


i'll follow you into the dark

by littlelooneyluna



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Angst, M/M, Relationship Problems, Sobbing, deep shit right here, lots of sobbing, set after tonight's episode - 20/01/17
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 21:02:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9402737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelooneyluna/pseuds/littlelooneyluna
Summary: an argument sparks robert and aaron discussing the anger issues aaron has to tackle in order for them to move forward, together.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is really angsty and sad but also i'd like to say a lil hopeful too. it goes to places i have wanted to explore for quite a while and despite being a lil nervous about how this is perceived i do hope you enjoy it as much as possible

Robert keeps staring at him, almost doesn't trust the younger man enough to divert his attention elsewhere.

Aaron's eyes flicker up, catch Robert off guard and he almost shrinks into himself as they lay there hardly touching in their bed, somewhere which  should be considered a safe haven and not a cold and empty place. It's like that though now, because Aaron's rigid and stiff and won't let Robert anywhere near him and it aches considering they spent a whole night apart and Robert wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around Aaron and not let him go again.

"What?" Aaron asks, almost harshly and it slices through the room like a knife. He bites back, tells himself he has to and then sighs. "Sorry I -"

Robert holds his breath and then dares to move a hand near to Aaron's, the soft fabric of the bed seems to protect him from the sting of possible rejection. "I thought ya weren't coming home." He admits into the air, their bodies aligned a little more now but still a thousand miles between them.

Aaron gulps hard, realises that he thought the same, expected it really. "And what did ya think about that?" He says tentatively, almost like he is cautious of the answer that has the potential to destroy him.

In his mind he imagines Robert laughing, shoulders relaxing in a heap as he gets the news that Aaron's serving time behind bars, there's a massive 'lucky escape' sign hanging above his head and he's drinking in the bar, celebrating the fact that he has finally cut ties with the troubled Dingle.

He waits for that reaction, his mind working over time, ticking away.

He doesn't get that though, instead Robert looks almost distraught as he stares at Aaron, his eyes almost look glazed over and Aaron knows, _(deep down he always knew)_ that Robert would have been a complete mess if he hadn't come home.

"About you not coming home? About you staying in that place?" Robert's voice is tight and he has tears in his eyes, "I was _terrified_." He admits darkly because he remembers Bob being Bob and over sharing and it made his insides churn.

Aaron blinks, silence creeping over them. He wants to reach out and hold Robert's hand, tell him that it's ok but he can't, something stops him.

"You shouldn't feel like that." Aaron points out, almost no feeling in his voice whatsoever.

Robert's eyes widen, "You can't tell me how to feel." He says, finally building up some courage inside to trample on the egg shells that Aaron has placed out between them. He sits up on the bed, eyes falling onto Aaron's and unable to look away.

Aaron blinks again, like he hasn't even registered Robert's words. "You should feel _relieved_." He says quickly, eyes pulling away from Robert's. "Relieved that you found a way out."

Robert frowns, his mouth dry for a second and Aaron continues.

"This way you can say that you didn't fail, you didn't give up on me. Us not working out, it was all my doing." Aaron points to himself and then stares blankly at Robert, almost like doesn't have the energy for anything anymore and is completely drained.

"You think that's what I care about?" Robert's voice is higher, louder and it catches Aaron's attention, "This isn't some sort of game Aaron, this is my life, _our_ life."

Aaron bites down on his lip and he has to hold his breath as he sees the tears form in Robert's eyes. He hates this side of Robert, the vulnerable and tearful side that strips him of all the bravado Aaron indulges himself in.

Aaron catches sight of his knuckles and shuts his eyes, he remembers it all too vividly and then he opens them again to try and escape it. "Yeah well you won't need to worry about that soon enough. I'll be behind bars."

Robert doesn't know what sparks inside but _something_ does and he can't contain it, "You're so selfish." He barks, moving off the bed and pacing up and down the small room.

Aaron's voice croaks and his heart races because _this_ is what he thought would happen, what he secretly needed to happen - it made it easier to know Robert hated him.

"You - you've just given up on everything and _I'm_ supposed to just accept it." Robert yells, hands out in front of him.

Aaron gulps, head down. "You can't do anything about it, just - just realise that this is a way out -"

"The _easy_ way out, _yes_." Robert snaps and then he looks at Aaron seriously. "Was it worth it then? Using your fists to hammer home a point?"

Aaron stands quickly, his head aches and suddenly he wishes for the quiet they had a few minutes ago, now the tense atmosphere that was present before, didn't seem to matter.

"Leave it Robert." Aaron touches his head and looks towards the door, knowing that he'd have to sleep on the sofa tonight because there was too much between them at the moment.

Robert walks towards him, heart beating out of his chest like mad. " _No_. No because you couldn't leave it last night could ya? You just have to keep _pushing_ and _pushing_ because you couldn't give a damn about us." He yells, bite in his voice that he purposely adds.

He's exploding, sparking everywhere and it's dangerous.

Aaron finds his hands became to ball into a fist and he hates how easily it happens, he hates how a red mist seems to descend over him. "Stop it." He barely whispers, his breathing frantic as Robert shakes his head.

"Why? You going to use your _thuggish_ ways to shut me up too eh? It wouldn't be the first time." Robert drips the words out and regrets them, tries to say something else but suddenly he can feel Aaron pushing him hard against the wall.

For a second, only a second he winces, actually _winces_ and it makes him feel sick as he closes his eyes and then opens them again.

Aaron's eyes are wide and he looks like a little lost boy, tears falling down his face and the tight grip on Robert's shirt loosening almost instantly.

There's nothing to say yet and silence kills them both before Aaron moves a hand up towards Robert's face. Robert looks at the hand and he tries to stop himself from shaking as Aaron slowly moves it across his face and then does the same with the other hand until he is cupping the older man's face and staring into his eyes.

"Rob I'm - I'm so sorry I didn't mean to," Aaron's hands are shaking and he feels sick as he looks at Robert and realises what he had done, slammed Robert _hard_ against the wall and -

He sees the shock in Robert's eyes and hates himself. 

"I didn't mean to scare you, gosh _please_ don't be scared." Aaron's head falls and Robert gulps hard as he feels Aaron completely collapse into his chest.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Aaron whispers through sobs, his head completely buried into Robert's chest and soon he feels them both sliding down until they are on the floor, on firm solid ground and Aaron can breathe again.

Robert stares at him and it takes seconds for it all to kick in, for him to comfort Aaron and kiss his head and rub his back.

 _This is bad._ He thinks but he can't say it yet.

Aaron finally lifts his head and bites his lip hard as he sees the shock on Robert's face. "I wasn't going to do anything, Robert I'd never lay a finger on ya, I _love_ ya." He whispers, desperate for Robert to say anything.

Robert nods, "I know." He says. "Aaron I wasn't scared, of course I wasn't."

Aaron sobs again, "You should be, you should be _terrified_ of me. You know what I can do, yesterday was just another example of -"

"The fact that you need help." Robert pushes out and his shoulders relax like a weight has been lifted off of them. "Professional help Aaron."

Aaron shakes his head, "I've done all that, it doesn't _stick_. It doesn't make me not just - just lash out and - _hurt_ people when I get angry."

Robert tuts and then feels Aaron shaking against him, for a second he wonders if this was what he was like in prison and he feels sick with worry. "I shouldn't have - have wound you up like that, I'm sorry but still Aaron you can't go on like this, _we_ can't."

Aaron blinks and tilts his head up so that he is looking at Robert, "We?" He says, barely able to accept that Robert might have actually said it.

Robert nods and then looks down at his hand, promoting Aaron to do the same. "I shouldn't have taken it off in the first place." He admits as both of them focus on the band he is wearing.

Aaron has tears falling down his cheeks again and Robert leans closer to him, "Don't cry baby, please don't -"

Aaron tightens his body around Robert as if he needs protection, "I'm so _sorry_ , Robert I shouldn't have - have pushed ya like that I -"

Robert shakes his head, "I know, but I also know that - that you wouldn't have hurt me."

"I couldn't do that, that's the whole reason why I ended up hurting Kasim. I couldn't take it all out on you and - and I didn't want to hurt myself so -" Aaron says, ashamed as he speaks about how he deals with things in his head, his thought process is revealing.

Robert sighs, "Anyone ever tell you violence isn't the answer?" He says, almost teasing and it lightens something in the room.

Aaron sniffs, "Then what is?" He asks, feels like a little boy as he does.

Robert blinks and then tilts his head, "Talking, you telling me _exactly_ how you feel and - me not ignoring the things I don't want to hear." It's a lot to admit but he knows he has to now. "And talking to someone else, someone professional."

Aaron gulps, "No, no I only need _you_." He says, gripping at Robert's shirt again.

"No Aaron, no you _need_ someone to help you with all your anger. I only seem to make it worse."

"It's not your fault, don't ever think my issues are your fault." Aaron's persists, like he has recited it over and over in his mind.

Robert frowns, "Maybe not. But your issues are mine. We're in this together, me and you. Messed up, forever. Remember?"

Aaron does, of course he does because it is the happiest memory he has in his mind. He almost radiates and for the first time that day he smiles and wants to because of _Robert_. The same idiot who makes him cry his heart out almost seems to find a way to mend it again.

"I'll get help." Aaron declares, coughing and sitting up a little against Robert. "Even if I get sent down -"

"You won't." Robert interjects quickly, a hand on Aaron's shoulder.

Aaron nods, tells himself to think as positively as possible. "I haven't given up on us either." He remembers what Robert said the night before, he remembers the hours he spent in his cell wanting to say that he hadn't, fearing he wouldn't be able to.

Robert smiles, tears in his eyes. "Good." He says before kissing Aaron lightly on the forehead, it seems to say everything he wants it to. "I meant what I said, I'll marry you Aaron Dingle, one day I will. And we'll be better, _both_ of us will be _better_ and we'll keep looking after each other won't we?"

Aaron feels his heart melt as he sits there staring up at Robert, "Yeah of course we will." It's positive, so light and happy and somehow makes things better.

"Because I love ya Aaron, only you, _just_ you. I always will, no matter what this world throws our way." Robert's voice is so soft and delicate and it instantly makes Aaron feel safe.

Aaron nods his head against Robert, "Love you too." He mumbles out, as a sense of calm takes hold of him.

The floor is uncomfortable and it's just gone eleven, Aaron's crying again suddenly and Robert feels his heart breaking but his hands find themselves dancing towards Aaron's and soon he's grabbing hold and not letting go.

They'd make it through this, they'd make it through anything, Robert thinks, hopes, prays, _knows_.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> i have always wanted to explore aaron's actions when he just explodes and becomes physical. in the past he has hit robert and although that is all behind them now i feel like the way aaron acted on thursday was the prime opportunity for them to discuss aaron's behaviour and how he deals with situations, usually by getting aggressive and confrontational. danny himself talked about the fact that the reasoning behind hitting kasim was partly due to the fact that he couldn't take it out on robert that way, literally would never lay a hand on him and i find that so interesting so i tried to incorporate it into this fic. i hope this isn't hated to much ;( it was more of a self indulgent idea tbh!


End file.
